


Salvage

by cosmictrap



Category: New Girl
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 00:27:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13111854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmictrap/pseuds/cosmictrap
Summary: A different take on what happens after Nick and Jess break apart from that painful hug in 'Mars Landing'. Nick and Jess both revaluate their reasons and feelings, while reassessing their priorities. Do the differences really matter? Is it not enough that they loved each other?





	Salvage

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically set in *whispers* Mars Landing, right after that heartbreaking hug. This would never happen on the show of course, but... hey, what're fanfics for.
> 
> The dialogues might be a tad bit off cuz I couldn't bring myself to re-watch it more than once without depressing the heck out of myself. I hate Mars Landing with all my freaking heart.
> 
> [First posted on FanFiction.Net]

Jess watched watery-eyed, with a heavy heart as Nick went back to his room, shoulders slumped. All she wanted to do was to run to him and kiss his tears away and apologise, but somethings have to be let go even if that means heartbreak. Letting this go on would be a mistake, and only end in complete anguish; they wanted different things. They loved each other, but they wanted different things. She stood in the hallway, long after Nick had closed the door behind him, staring at the closed door, and the longer she stood, she started seeing a new meaning in the closed door.

_It was over._

She drew in a breath, shuddering, as the overwhelming pain began to come in torturous waves. She felt her eyes filling up again, as she felt the walls of the loft closing in around her. Struggling to breathe, she felt like she would choke on her own tears, and was filled with the need for fresh air. She wiped her tears, and ran towards the front door, and grabbing her keys and coat, rushed out of the loft.

…

As Nick walked away from her, he could feel her gaze burning into him. He dared not turn around, or he would lose his resolve. He walked into his room, and closed the door behind him softly, and sank on to the floor, head against the door.

He'd always known they were different. Too different. But he'd liked to believe that opposites attract. It would seem only magnets followed that rule, but with people…. with people, there was such a thing as "too different". Just loving each other wasn't enough. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to tell himself that if he could get over Caroline, with whom he'd been with for 6 years, getting over a year old relationship shouldn't be big deal.

_But this is Jess. She's different._

He ran his hand down his face, hoping that this nightmare would end and that he would just wake up and find her peacefully asleep next to him. But when his eyes opened, he was still there, leaning against the door, the memory of her tear-stained, bloodshot face still fresh in his mind. His eyes fell on the mattress, it's edges singed, serving as a reminder of this awful day.

He frowned as he gazed at the mattress, realising that with Schmidt in Jess' room, she had nowhere to sleep. He stood up and turned to the door, wondering if he should ask her sleep in here one last time; he could take the couch. But he knew that Jess, being Jess, would insist on his sleeping in as well, and he wouldn't be able to take it.

His contemplation was broken by the sudden sound of scurrying footsteps and the sound of the front door closing. Frown deepening, he opened his door and peeped out. Nothing but silence. He walked into the living room and peeked at the couch. Empty. He turned towards the front door and he noticed immediately that her coat was missing. His eyes went to the key bowl, and her keys were missing too. Feeling a hint of concern, he grabbed his own keys and started to head out. He opened the door just a peep when he hesitated.

_Should I go after her? Maybe she wants some space._

She was probably going to Cece's anyway.

He looked through the sliver of an opening and saw her standing outside the lift, foot tapping and sniffling. He sighed and closed the door, maybe she did need some space. This may not be a good time to go after her. Much against his instincts, he closed the door as softly as possible and trudged back to his room.

Sitting back down on whatever was left of his bed, his eyes travelled around the room, lingering on Jess' things, which would be gone by tomorrow. Her notebook, some of her dresses, her books, her stationery strewn around, and her phone… Her phone? He felt a little concern at the thought of her out without her phone.

Quelling his worry with the thought that she was going to be safe at Cece's, he tore his eyes away from her phone. They fell on a small framed photo of her and him, taken on her birthday after the movie, and the more he looked, the more vividly he started to remember the day.

Groaning, he rubbed his eyes and decided to sleep on the couch. He couldn't bear being in his room, still marked by Jess. He walked back out and went into the living room, getting himself a beer before throwing himself on the couch. As he was about to take a sip, the picture of Jess' disapproving face slipped into his mind.

_Nick! You can't have a beer at this time of the night, it's not healthy!_

Grunting, he put the beer bottle aside and turned on the TV, keeping the volume on mute.

…

Jess drove aimlessly for a while, concentrating on the road to prevent the flurry of thoughts that were threatening to overwhelm her. She'd rolled her windows down, needing some fresh air. She drove towards the park first, but the thought of the silence only broken by the crickets droning, made her uncomfortable.

So she just drove around, without keeping a sense of time. She hadn't brought her phone with her. She didn't even remember where it was.

_Probably in Nick's room._

Her heart clenched at the thought of walking back into his room the next day and collecting all her things. She'd have to wait till he left for work; she wouldn't be able to bear doing it while he watched, the silent plea in his eyes that she knew would reflect in her own.

_But we don't want the same things._

She told herself. The house by the lake, the horse, the kids… it felt like a distant dream now. She used to see it all with him, but she couldn't see it at all now. With a sinking feeling, she realised that she wanted those things with him, and no one else.

As she drove, tears filled her eyes again; she'd lost count how many times that night, now. She could feel the sob building in her throat, so she pulled over and with her head on the steering wheel, began to cry.

She didn't want those exact same things, she'd love it, yes, but she didn't want just those things. What was the point if she didn't have Nick to share it with!

_Clearly, he didn't see a future at all._

She thought sadly.

_We want different things._

She told herself again and drew in a shuddering breath. As she breathed in, the scent of the sea hit her. Inhaling deeply once again, she started to drive towards the beach.

…

He didn't know how long he'd sat there watching TV unseeingly when he heard a door open and turned to see a really annoyed Schmidt stepping out. With a blanket draped over his shoulders, he started to walk towards Nick's room, with a phone in his hand, yelling, "Jessica, would you pick up the…"

He trailed away in confusion as he paused outside Nick's room. Looking around, he spotted Nick staring at him. He watched as Schmidt looked around the living room, eyes darting to the kitchen as well.

"Where's Jess?" he asked.

Nick simply stared at Schmidt, not able to get any words out, his mind in an overdrive of confusion.

Should he tell Schmidt that they'd broken up? He swallowed, not wanting to. Saying it out loud would make it too real. Instead, he shrugged again uncomfortably.

"Nicholas!" said Schmidt sternly. "Where's Jess? Why won't she pick up her phone? Cece's been trying to call her, but she won't answer. Wants to talk about  _Buster_  apparently... What kind of a name is that anyway?" he grimaced, before continuing, "Anyway, Cece decided that my beauty sleep doesn't matter and-"

Immediately, Nick was alert. "What?"

Schmidt let out an exasperated sigh. " _Have you always been this daft!"_ Then he breathed deeply, and said again, slowly, as if to a child. "Cece has been trying to call Jess. Jess is not answering. Cece was worried, so she called me instead."

As the worry he was suppressing came at him in full force, Nick stared at Schmidt who had begun to wave his arms in front of his face. "Nick.  _Nick. Nicholas!_ What're you on, man? Are you drunk? I wouldn't be surprised but… What's gotten into you? Oh my god, did you kill her because she insisted you do your laundry? Nicholas, I understand you-"

"For god's sake, shut up, Schmidt!" yelled Nick, before springing out of the couch, rushing out of the front door and almost assaulting the elevator button.

"Where're you going, man?" called Schmidt, thoroughly confused, running after him, struggling to do so in his blanket.

"To find Jess!" Nick called as he stepped into the elevator.

"Jess is missing?" asked Schmidt incredulously, his eyes popping as he appeared in front of the closing elevator doors.

Nick wasn't sure, but he thought he saw Schmidt faint.

As Nick got into his car and revved up the engine, he realised he didn't know where to start looking. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, in thought. At this point of the night, there weren't many places she could go to. He decided to check out the park first. Pulling into the parking lot, he quickly assessed the area. It was nearly empty and he sighed when he couldn't spot her car; he felt his anxiety starting to catch up to him.

Then it struck him that he hadn't checked the roof. Annoyed at himself, he left a message for Schmidt to check on the roof, hoping he was on his feet and not passed out like he'd thought he had been.

He wondered if he should drive to Sadie's house as well, but if she didn't go to Cece's when she could, she sure as hell wouldn't go to Sadie's. He wheeled out of the parking lot, wondering if she'd gone to a bar. It wasn't like her, but maybe she had. He called a few of his bartender friends and asked them to keep an eye out for her.

_Well, we've got that covered. Now what?_

He decided to check at her favourite ice-cream parlour; it was open 24x7. Besides, ice-cream was her comfort food, so maybe she was there. As he drove there, his mind began to wander again. And once again, the image of her sad, stricken, face came rushing back, uncalled for.

The hug they had shared before he retreated into his room, he knew, would be burned into his mind for eternity. The desperation in it, the pain, the anguish… the way she'd held on to him, as if for life… as if for the last time.

 _It_ was  _for the last time._

Said a nasty voice at the back of his mind, but it was a bitter, nasty voice. She hadn't wanted this any more than he did. And his mind began to spin as the questions of why they had even broken up began to pervade his mind.

_Mars Landing!? What was I thinking?!_

He closed his eyes, frustrated. He had panicked, and he knew it. The truth was he didn't see anyone else in the future except her. Maybe he didn't see the future as clearly as she did, but whatever else was hazy in his mind's eye, she wasn't. She was the clearest of all in every picture in his mind.

_But I love you. More than anything._

He sighed. It was true, and it wouldn't stop being true just because they'd gone back to being friends. He frowned at the thought.

_Friends?_

He knew at the back of his mind that you don't go back to being friends after putting an end to the kind of relationship they'd shared. At least not the kind of friendship he'd had with her before that fateful kiss in the hallway. Panic at the thought of not having her at all began to set in.

_What the hell was I thinking, agreeing to this! This is not what I want!_

He shook his head, trying to relax. Right now, he needed to find Jess. With no luck at the ice-cream parlour, he was driving around when he smelled salt and copper. He realised he had started to drive towards the beach, and suddenly, he knew that's where he'd find her.

As he finally got to the beach, he saw her car and he breathed a sigh of relief. He rested his head on the steering wheel for a moment, wondering if he should leave her alone and wait. He strained his eyes a little, scanning the sand, and spotted her form, curled to one side, facing the ocean. He swallowed painfully and made a split-second decision.

…

Jess stared at the ocean for quite a while, trying to match her breathing to the waves. In between, she cried, uninterrupted sobbing till her eyes began to prick and burn. Soon, she was lying on her side, curling into herself to become as small as possible, and stared at the ocean. It was still dark, but she could see the shimmering waves, topped with fluid froth, softly falling onto the sand with the gentlest of splashes. The moon hovered miles above the horizon and looking at it calmed her down a little bit.

She watched the sea, the stars and the moon till her eyes began to prick and she felt her millionth bout of tears beginning to pour. She didn't want to cry anymore; her eyes were starting to hurt and her face felt like it had been pulled from every direction possible. Soon, her tired eyes began to droop and she fell asleep, wondering distantly if falling asleep on the beach was a good idea.

...

Nick sat next to where her face was, and looked at her pale face, a sad smile on his face. He could see the trail of tears, her hair, gleaming in the moonlight, sticking to her forehead. He brushed the sand out of her hair and watched her sleep, as her ragged breathing sounded like she was doing so with difficulty. He could tell her sleep was restless, given how he could trace the movement of her eyes behind her closed eyelids. As it grew colder, he saw her start to shiver, and against his better instincts, he got up quietly and lay down behind her. Turning to face her back carefully, he slowly draped his arm over her waist, checking to see if she stirred. When she didn't, he pulled himself closer to her, tucking her head under his chin. He stared at the sea over her head. Minutes later, he felt her breathing relax, matching with the rhythm of the waves and soon, his own. His eyes fluttered shut as he fell asleep next to her.

...

Jess felt sweat trickle down her neck, along with a little prickle. She briefly wondered where she was, and as she opened her eyes and saw the waves, it all came rushing to her. She felt tears start to well up again when she realized that the weight she had gotten so used to across her waist, shouldn't be there. Heart thumping powerfully, she looked down and saw Nick's familiar hand on her waist, holding her tightly as if it was just any other morning.

_How did he find me? What is he doing here!_

The answers to her question would tear this moment apart, so she lay there quietly under his arm, looking out at the ocean. The sun hadn't risen yet, but the stars still were there and the moon was gone. As she scanned the sky, her eyes fell on a distant copper coloured dot, stable and unblinking.

_Mars._

She gulped, willing her quickly moistening eyes to dry up.

_He is here._

Maybe this meant something, she thought, desperately trying to hold on to something that could maybe salvage their relationship. They wanted different things, but they could quite possibly work around that. Landing on Mars or being a truck driver... house by the lake or a horse... Maybe-

Her thoughts were interrupted as the first shaft of morning light tore open the sky. Golden and vibrant, it left her mesmerised, putting a hold on her thoughts for the first time since last night. The golden halo melted to give way to tinges of orange, pink and blue as she watched, her mouth slightly agape, her blue eyes wide.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

She felt his voice, before he spoke, the rumbling in his chest against her back, raspy and tired.

"Yeah, it is," she replied softly, her hand hesitantly moving to rest over his, still on her hip.

"Jess, I... I think we can work through this," he said, his voice filled with pain and longing, and hope.

Jess laced her fingers through his. "I think so too," she whispered.

"I don't want to end this," he said softly, but surely.

She brought his hand to her lips and planted a soft kiss on his knuckles. "Neither do I."


End file.
